Princess, Please Stop Making Puns!
by CreationsGoneAwry
Summary: Frey finds a mysterious purple liquid that she thinks is juice, so she drinks it, but... It's now summertime in Selphia and Frey has gone insane! Puns and lame OOC humor galore.


**A/N: **I, uh... I don't know what to say here, for once. Do I apologize? Do I laugh? Do I say "just suck it up and enjoy it"?

Well, um, regardless of what your opinion of me is at this point, I hope this is at least a little funny.

Explanations and clarifications of the many bad puns will be at the bottom in case you don't understand my humor!

* * *

"Hmm? What's this?" Selphia's princess asked herself, eyeing a glass with some sort of liquid in it. It was just sitting on her table so she wasn't sure if she made it or if someone else did as a joke or a gift or something else...

Frey picked it up warily, sniffing the purple liquid, and sighed in contentment. "That smells great! I wonder if tastes the same..."

She dabbed a finger in and swirled it around, noting how it was almost the perfect room temperature. It had probably been a while since it was set there, then. When she brought it up to her mouth she gave it another sniff, and finally took a sip.

"Oh, wow, this is really good!"

Frey downed the purple juice as quickly as she could, disbelieving of just how wonderful it tasted. She didn't really spend any more time thinking about where it came from, but when she began to feel drowsy she started to regret it. She leaned down to her bed and put her arms under her head in an attempt to make her slumber more peaceful and comfortable.

...

Frey awoke sometime in the morning with a funny feeling all throughout her body. She couldn't quite pinpoint why, but she felt better than she had in a long time.

She felt... free. Nothing was on her mind at all, and she wasn't worried about anything or thinking about gifts for her friends for the day.

Footsteps could be heard from the other side of the door and when she looked up she almost didn't even recognize her butler.

"Princess, are you awake?" Vishnal asked, peeping his head carefully in through the open door.

"Oh, hey Vishnal," she greeted. "Did you want something?"

She seemed out of it for sure, but that wasn't his business; instead, he had to focus on what brought him here in the first place.

"Well... I just came to give you your usual morning wake-up call, and to make sure you had everything under control with the farm and citizens."

She took the answer in stride with a nod of her head. "Right, right. Um, well, yeah it's no problem. You can go now - dismissed, dismissed." She walked over to him and shooed him out with her hands, frowning at his protests.

"Hey, I'm your princess, so you've gotta listen to me, right?"

Vishnal scratched the back of his neck. "Ah... yes, I suppose. My apologies, Princess. You're just acting a bit strange..."

She smiled. "It's fine. Now go! Make like a tree and leaf!"

"Uh... puns now, Princess?"

Frey stared dumbfounded. "Did I just do that? Okay, whatever." She shook her head. "I'll talk to you later, Vishnal, thank you."

Before he could say any more she shut the door and locked it, effectively keeping him out. "Whew. I usually don't mind my puns, but I at least have to think about them beforehand..."

Was she really out of it last night? She had no memories of falling asleep, let alone the events before then. There was some sort of drink, though... That's it!

"Somebody drugged me!"

Nothing in her room confirmed her suspicions, but she didn't see any reason to deny it.

She shook her head. Whatever, that didn't really matter. All that was important to her right now was how good she felt. It was like walking on clouds.

...

"Princess?"

Frey glanced up from her drawing and stared at Vishnal. "What is it?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly, still staying a safe distance away from her. "I've noticed that lately you haven't been doing any farm work... or conversing with the townsfolk... or even eating, really... so I took the liberty of making you some soup. Would you like to try it?"

Her blank stare didn't tell him much, but he decided to press his luck anyway. Turning to his side, he grabbed the wooden tray off of the cart he rolled into the hallway outside her room, and with both hands he carried the soup to her, setting it down on the table she was working (drawing) at.

"It's a new recipe," he began, a little unsure, "but it's full of hearty vegetables I know you like! I even forced myself to cut up turnips for this dish! I, ah, rather hope you like it."

Vishnal started to walk away now, feeling awkward and embarrassed because she hadn't said anything, but she suddenly spoke up, halting his footsteps.

"Vishnal?"

"Yes?"

She smiled. "Thanks for the thought and the offer, but I'm not hungry. Besides, this soup'll turnip my nose."

The butler stood, confused, for a while. "Turnip...? Oh! Turn _up_." He laughed and started walking away again.

"That's a good one, 'turnip my nose' - hey! My cooking is not that bad!"

...

"Frey, Frey!"

Frey glanced up from her doodle for the second time within the hour. Vishnal's bowl of soup sat still on the table beside her; even though she'd subtly told him she didn't want it, he left it there.

However, unlike Vishnal, this was definitely Clorica's voice, and Clorica would just barge right through the door because she was afraid of falling asleep before she got to the point.

Right on time, Clorica came bursting in, holding a gigantic vegetable bag in one hand. "Frey!" she made sure to shout again. Once she was satisfied she had Frey's attention she continued. "I picked all the ripe cucumbers left over from spring! What do you want me to do with them?"

Frey sighed and rubbed her temples. "Cucumber-some butler asking me dumb questions. What do you normally do with the vegetables we pick?"

Clorica seemed a bit taken aback by her remark, but answered the question nonetheless. "We... cut off the stems and refrigerate them."

"Yes," she told her simply. She couldn't very well get mad at Clorica because she often fell asleep during important parts, especially lectures, but... she certainly knew the answer, yet she asked anyway.

"Okay," Clorica said, somewhat satisfied with that. "It's been raining a lot, too, so what should we do with the mushrooms growing outside?"

Frey stared at her for a second, wondering why she just asked that. "Well... there won't be mushroom left in the fridge, considering the bag of cucumbers you have there, so just get rid of them."

Clorica mimicked her stare, thinking about it for a minute. "All right!" she answered enthusiastically. "Oh, but what's with all the puns lately? Are you going to start doing stand-up at the restaurant?"

...

She was out on her walk now, wondering if there would be a person to bother her here too, considering the pattern the day seemed to be following. In the distance she saw Arthur conversing with a tourist, but as soon as he saw her he came bounding towards her.

Frey's eyes widened and she gulped. Just what could he want with her? Why was everybody bothering her?

"Ah, Frey, there you are," he said pleasantly as he met her. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Have you been cooping yourself up as of late? It seems you're never outside anymore."

She was about to reply but he kept talking anyway.

"You see, some of the townspeople - your friends included - are worried about you, and I thought perhaps - "

"Wait, hold on, Arthur," Frey interrupted, looking down at his hand. "All you do is spend all day writing. If you keep going at this rate, when you're older like Blossom you're going to have horrible Arthur-itis."

He raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Was that supposed to be a joking way of changing the subject? Unfortunately I do not find the topic of arthritis funny."

"Yeah, sorry," Frey told him nonchalantly. "I guess I've just been spewing puns left and right for the past week or so. Everybody's getting tired of it, so that's why I'm trying to get out of the castle a bit more, but then I just run into somebody else who wants to bother me. Ugh!"

Arthur reached a hand out to stop her, latching onto her arm, but she quickly shoved it off, pushing her way past him and onto some other town paths.

"What...?"

...

Frey had successfully managed to make it back to the castle, taking the shortcut through her farm, and collapsed on her bed. She couldn't imagine that the strange purple juice she drank last week had such an effect on her, but she didn't know of anything else she'd done differently to make her act like this.

She didn't particularly mind, as she hadn't felt so worry-free in a very long time - but then the villagers would want to talk or discuss something important with her and ruin her carefree mood. To add to all that, a few days ago she discovered that most of her farm animals weren't doing too well... She hadn't been keeping her eyes on them, or the crops, admittedly, but to think that they would die in just a matter of days? How annoying could they possibly get?

"Oh, Frey, I'm glad I caught you."

She raised her head up just enough to see Doug's face. He was hardly a person she wanted to see right now; though neither was anybody else, really.

"Hey," he said sternly, moving closer to her. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you haven't been paying attention to your animals. Two of your Cluckadoodles have already died."

Was he a mindreader? If he was, everything would be so much simpler - she would just rely on him to do everything and she would never have to talk to anybody ever again.

"Yeah, that's fine," she responded groggily, though it was just barely noon. "I already Doug a hole to put them in."

When she didn't hear his response she looked up again, expecting him to be gone, but instead she met his eyes, who were boring into her own expectantly.

"Man, I've heard about your puns, but _really?_"

...

It was nighttime now and honestly all Frey wanted to do was take a nice, long soak in the tub. But of course, unfortunately, people still had to bother her.

"Frey," said a voice behind her.

She turned around to find Forte, looking a bit dejected. She sighed inwardly, though she supposed since Forte didn't normally look sad she should try and figure out what was wrong.

"What's up?" Frey asked nonchalantly.

Forte reached into her pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper; Frey recognized it as her doodle sheet from earlier, but then Forte flipped it over to the other side.

"This is the formal document which the King of Norad had sent here, requesting the services of us Knights of Selphia. I noticed... you've at least taken a look at it, right?"

She was referring to her Buffamoo drawing, wasn't she?

Forte sighed. "I admit, I do not know what's going on with you right now, but we do need your signature so that we Knights may be of use to even the King himself."

Frey didn't have a pen... and judging by Forte's demeanor, neither did she. That meant they'd have to go all the way back to her castle room just to find one, and then she would have to sign the document... and she really just wanted to take her bath...

"Sorry, Forte, not tonight."

Forte's eyes widened in horror. "Not to knight? Do you no longer need my services? Well, I suppose you have been getting stronger, but..."

The princess rolled her eyes. She wasn't even _trying _to make that pun! "Yeah, sure whatever. I'm going to take my bath now."

She all but ran towards the inn, making sure she would get there in time before Lin Fa decided to close it up for the night. Forte watched her go, and when she disappeared from her sight she tightened her sheath and defeatedly walked away.

...

The next morning Vishnal woke her up again, just as worried as yesterday.

"Princess, please wake up and check on your crops."

Frey groaned and put a pillow over her head, stretching it over her ears. She'd listened to this same statement, more or less, for a while now.

The butler remained concerned, though, and frowned. "But... it's of the utmost importance to take care of your farm and the citizens and their wants - "

"Okay, okay," she said, giving up for the moment. She sat up and looked at him. "You're right, and both of us know that. I've been a terrible princess this past week, but sometimes you just have to think of your Selphia, no?"

Vishnal briefed it over in his mind, but once he thought he understood he smiled. "I am glad you see it my way, Princess! Let me know if you need any help." He walked away soon after, leaving her alone.

"No way, that worked?" she asked herself incredulously. "Maybe my puns are magic..."

...

She went out for her walk with more splendor than usual, actually a little excited to meet somebody now. If she could come up with a good pun, perhaps they would leave her alone. She didn't understand the logic behind it, but...

On her way to the restaurant, she caught up to Meg outside, tuning her harp. Judging by the sour notes she heard, though, Frey guessed she was hung up on something.

"Hi, Meg," she greeted, standing next to her.

Meg smiled back cheerfully. "Hello, Frey! I haven't seen you in a while. What have you been doing all this time?"

She debated between answers, considering she actually _liked _Meg right now, but before she could come to a conclusion Meg continued.

"Well, that doesn't matter right now anyway! Actually, would you mind lending me a hand? I'm trying to decide which cologne to give to Dylas for his birthday."

So that was why she seemed a little out of it. "Yeah, sure! Dylas-t of all the scents he likes is on my dresser."

Meg widened her eyes. "Why is there a list...? And are you making puns?"

"Shoot," Frey thought aloud. She wasn't even trying that time! She wanted to _try _to make a pun at least once! She wanted to have to think about it!

...

Frey luckily found her unlucky, unsuspecting victim in Dolce. The poor girl was having dinner inside her home and, during Frey's rounds throughout the town, she stumbled across her.

Dolce was sitting alone at the table, but upon closer inspection Frey saw Pico in the chair next to her. They seemed to be enjoying some kind of meal consisting of southern food; the hamburger seemed to be seasoned, and there were tomatoes and lettuce sprinkled across the entire plate.

"Hey Dolce," Frey announced as she walked closer to her. "You know what tastes good with southern food? _Pico _de Gallo."

Almost as if she was eating the ghost girl herself, Dolce choked on her mouthful of food, bringing a hand up to her mouth. Pico beside her just glared, scolding Frey for "hurting Dolly."

Frey uncharacteristically cackled, then ran out of the house, wondering if there were others in need of torment.

* * *

So uh, lemme explain all these horrifically bad puns. Most were already caught on to by the villagers, so I'll just explain the more obscure, stupid ones (though if you don't understand anything, just ask!):

"Cucumber-some butler" - cue cumbersome butler. Frey was just being funny but also a little mean

"there won't be mushroom left in the fridge" - there won't be much room left

"I already Doug a hole to put them in" - already dug a hole (as if that wasn't obvious enough)

"Not to knight" - this one wasn't even Frey's, actually! anyway, Forte thought she meant "I'm not knighting you" in a fancy-ish way

"Sometimes you just have to think of your Selphia, no?" - Frey was actually making a pun like "you have to think of yourself, ya know?" but Vishnal thought she was talking about the town of Selphia

"Dylas-t of scents" - the list of scents (yes, it's really very bad, and no I don't know why Frey has such a list)

"Pico de Gallo" - I actually don't know what pico de gallo is but when I worked at Taco Bell people always asked for it. I think it's just like... fresh ingredients or something to replace tomatoes/lettuce/cheese -shrugs-

_~CGA_


End file.
